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8-9-2007
Do’s
and Don’ts for Parents
Parents, parents, parents… A favorite quote I
use regularly when my students are lamenting something they’ve done
and their parents don’t understand, or something their parents have
done to them is “It’s hard to raise good parents these days.” In
just the same way as students need to know as much as possible about
what to expect when they get to college, parents need some
preparation also. So, what should parents do and what shouldn’t
they do to help prepare themselves and their students for this
complicated transition? Here’s a partial list:
Do’s
- Set aside money for your child’s college
- Only HELP them with the college
application process
- Encourage them to do things for themselves
and take responsibility for their actions.
- Be willing to alter the timing of your tax
filing (if possible) to aid in the timely submission of your
child’s FAFSA.
- Allow them to choose the college they
attend. They’ll likely resent it (you) if you don’t. This
doesn’t mean let them dictate cost – if their choice is more
expensive than what you can pay for, they should be responsible
for the difference.
- Send them something in the mail – a
letter, family photos, birthday card, cookies, finals week
survival kit, etc. They won’t receive much mail, so they’ll
appreciate it.
- Listen to them. Ask open-ended questions,
and let them talk.
- Join the Parents’ Association at your
child’s school
- Expect your child to experience some kind
of financial emergency while they’re in college. Save
accordingly and secretly, then make them pay you back.
- WHEN INVITED, attend events at your
child’s school
- Go back to doing what you quit doing when
they were born – having your own life!
Don’ts
- Forget to set aside money for your child’s
college.
- Fill out applications for your student,
regardless how much you want to or they ask.
- Enroll them or make any changes to their
class schedule. Regardless of what you think of their choices,
it is their academic life. They will likely have control over
their class schedule, and probably have the input of an academic
advisor (or at least have the option of using an academic
advisor).
- Call or go to your child’s school to “fix”
some problem they are having (unless they have exhausted EVERY
other option)
- Expect them to act the same when you visit
or they come home. They may keep different hours, use different
lingo, dress a little different, be interested in new things,
and have some new friends, among other things.
- Surprise your child at college. It could
be you who is surprised!
- Get mad when they don’t respond to your
call, e-mail, text message, instant message, fax, etc. as
quickly as you think they should – as long as they eventually
do.
- Be surprised if your child’s grades drop
in college – maybe overall, maybe for only a time. They are
likely to experience some form of academic difficulty, even the
perfect ones…
Submit your questions to
lance@collegeanswerguy.com and visit
www.collegeanswerguy.com and
collegeprep.okstate.edu.
Next week… College Q and A |
