Do's and Don'ts for Parents

Parents, parents, parents… A favorite quote I use regularly when my students are lamenting something they’ve done and their parents don’t understand, or something their parents have done to them is “It’s hard to raise good parents these days.” In just the same way as students need to know as much as possible about what to expect when they get to college, parents need some preparation also. So, what should parents do and what shouldn’t they do to help prepare themselves and their students for this complicated transition? Here’s a partial list:

Do’s

Set aside money for your child’s college
Only HELP them with the college application process
Encourage them to do things for themselves and take responsibility for their actions.
Be willing to alter the timing of your tax filing (if possible) to aid in the timely submission of your child’s FAFSA.
Allow them to choose the college they attend. They’ll likely resent it (you) if you don’t. This doesn’t mean let them dictate cost – if their choice is more expensive than what you can pay for, they should be responsible for the difference.
Send them something in the mail – a letter, family photos, birthday card, cookies, finals week survival kit, etc. They won’t receive much mail, so they’ll appreciate it.
Listen to them. Ask open-ended questions, and let them talk.
Join the Parents’ Association at your child’s school
Expect your child to experience some kind of financial emergency while they’re in college. Save accordingly and secretly, then make them pay you back.
WHEN INVITED, attend events at your child’s school
Go back to doing what you quit doing when they were born – having your own life!

Don’ts

Forget to set aside money for your child’s college.
Fill out applications for your student, regardless how much you want to or they ask.
Enroll them or make any changes to their class schedule. Regardless of what you think of their choices, it is their academic life. They will likely have control over their class schedule, and probably have the input of an academic advisor (or at least have the option of using an academic advisor).
Call or go to your child’s school to “fix” some problem they are having (unless they have exhausted EVERY other option).
Expect them to act the same when you visit or they come home. They may keep different hours, use different lingo, dress a little different, be interested in new things, and have some new friends, among other things.
Surprise your child at college. It could be you who is surprised!
Get mad when they don’t respond to your call, e-mail, text message, instant message, fax, etc. as quickly as you think they should – as long as they eventually do.
Be surprised if your child’s grades drop in college – maybe overall, maybe for only a time. They are likely to experience some form of academic difficulty, even the perfect ones…

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